Questions get answered
And yet you get lost
Hippies turn more rational
A life worth living
Voices get lost in throat
Yet there is shrilling scream in your head
You don't know which way to go
And with directions you are lost
You have crowd hanging about
And you are alone
There is nothing charming in malls
And you go for dark cloud with flickering stars
Cold nights appear warmer
Alien beds seem cosy
You detest the thing you call home
And all who claim you yours
You look around
May be a hug will do
Or a greeting smile from strangers
They make your day
But the claims of belongings
The right of suggestions
The known and understood faces
More hostile, more strangers
May be lost within the known crowd
Rebelling against peace and harmony
Ripple against the calm lake
And hail in midsummer day
They make you adult
Losing yourself is yes what it is about
Losing yourself from them to be found out by you
Known and more understood than you do today
If so, let the ripples be created
Let me get lost in the crowd
But this time keep your map with yourself
Let me find the way!!!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Let me find the way
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Wishing for your cloak
I wish could steal your cloak
Divine and royal as it seems
Does it really make me disappear
For me to go for hiding?
I shall then hang around for a while,
Unknown to any single soul
And catch you before you deny
Whenever you play so fowl!
I shall then hardly ever appear
Because I am set to escape
All that pains and wound I bear
More than I can scream for help
Then I shall run way so far
Moorlands and woods left unexplored
Finding somewhere, someone
Who makes me feel I too am adored
My eyes moisten as I write this words
Wishing for your cloak so divine
Will it help me find an escape route
And tell me its gonna be fine!
Horse who lost the war!
I am a horse black or white
Weak and hurt down the knees
Laying in the dark stable
Waiting for my release
I have hardly seen any sun,
Since the time I was a colt
Other than those peeping rays
Dancing through those crack and hole
You reined me since I was of month
Thinking you could use that cart
But I was meant for wilderness
Now a horse who lost the war
I dreamed of breaking those reins
Growing wings of my own
Whatever colour may they be
But to fly till any wings have flown
I once or twice flapped those wings
Eager to see those green woodlands
And had jumped and flied few times at least
Before you slaughtered them with your hands
I have quit to dream anymore
No more I hope to grow my wings
Realising I am meant to pull those wheels
And to live as a lonely being
You love to drag me all muddy way
I pull your 'tuk-tuk' with all my might
And I have dreamed of running race!!!!
Now you have restricted my sight
Hurt and tired here I lay
Ending another day of slaughted dreams
Hope the rays dance all the same
When tonignt old moon smiles and beams
Thursday, October 20, 2011
The surrender!
I screamed all night
Infact, nights to be exact
I called every name I knew....
Frantically whispered to the sky
Yet no hand came to pull me out,
No one to clear away my doubt....
This assured me I will die...
Death not so glorified!!!!
It is no fun to hang on...
on little twig so fragile,
and yet to realise its only thing
That your doomed life depends
Amid of so many logs so strong
just a rotten straw to save your life
And in chilling water as you fight,
Searching in black hole for some light
You know nothing worked and no one came
It was hard now to hold those muffled cries
They burst with such an agony
Breaking clouds into darting tears
And I remembered how you had swam away
That pulled me down from gut
The urge to save myself started dying out
The voice of giving up getting loud
Then I released throttling the little twig
letting him to breathe in long time
The whirlpool of water swept and swirled me around
As if singing me some lullaby
Soothing the wounds and wrapping me in its arms
Whispering as if promising me heal my pain
I raised my arms and surrendered once for all
To my now true friend- death- realising my final call!!!!
Message to unknown heart-- Just glad that we were lost!!!!
We shall raft in untested, unknown waters,
Friday, October 7, 2011
Crazy break-up song!
No emotions touch me
Don't show me your tears
'm as happy as my smile
And as crazy as I appear
I don't need your shoulders
I have my own to rest
and if I need an extra pair...
I will go up to the best
I won't stalk you anymore
Don't wait to hang up my calls
No m not crying for you... not this time
'm treating myself in that mall
Don't wonder what changed me
But credit goes much to you
I have learned to love my self
Than hoping you would ever do
Hang on I do not cry anymore
Not for thing you r concerned
'm phoenix and i came alive
every time you left me alone to burn
But no not this time honey...
I'm getting life that I love
without you to make it any miserable
Shocked??? Go get yourself better job!!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Monsoon love
I sit by the window pane,
As thunder kisses the balletic earth
And think of all the swirling thoughts
As wind waltzes with the playful dust
With Monsoon, cloud comes to meet the grass
She meets his each and every drop
With lush of green, a charming hue
She flourishes so much in his love
As rain platters in the glass
It whispers me your enchanting name
And, then my eyes flood with salty sea,
Broken heart is never the same.
I remember you galloping away that night,
It had rained, as if sky felt my pain
Lightening and thunder were so bold
Like me screaming, feeling all disdain
But today, love is circling lonely me
Yet I feel glum, teary and all the same
Monsoon yet teaches me a thing,
Love can never ever be tamed!!!
I envy them!!!!
Fingers inter-wined,
sending warmth...
engaged eyes
adoring gaze
and flushing cheeks
Yes, I envy them!
Warm hug,
departure kiss
missing you texts
and endless message beeps
longing look
waiting for calls
No, I never had!!
Surprise pecks
and love you notes
Lily at doors
Small things that prove,
How much you adore
Yes, I long for them!
Shoulder to cry
Hands to hold
Treasuring the tears
'Be sad no more'
Smile injected
Burden shared
Yes, I crave for them!
When silence speaks
Words get lost
Yet no need
for Google translator
An anchoring feeling
A thought of being not alone
Unspoken promises for hanging on
I wonder... if am entitled to them?!!!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Mad hag
Sunday, June 5, 2011
My words..............
I can't cry infront of people
so I cry through my words
Share the thought that breaks and tears
And cuts me like from 1000 swords
I am not a happy bird,
Though I stick a smile
You would know my pain
If you be me for a while
How I crave for hug
That will make me feel alive
But all I find is brushing me off
Hate is the ultimate vive
I questioned at times "Y just me"
But the question goes in vain
Nor I get a shoulder to cry
I am lonely and going insane
I can't call my fren or my mother
and say how I got so hurt
I close my door and scream till blue
Till nothing pains at all
I still search for solace,
An angel made for me
Who would wipe my tears and mend my wounds
Even before than I can see
So much I wish I was a kid
And never have a grown up's heart
I could still believe in fairy tales
And wait for knight in white horse
But I now m so big to see
No knight to sweep off my feet
All come and return my broken heart
And smile at my defeat
I don't show I am so lost
But I am lost in my words
Please god have mercy on me
don't hurt me more from emotion's swords
I can't speak, it pains so much
So I speak with my words
I write to say how I feel
When U stab me the swords
Saturday, June 4, 2011
!oo things b4 I kick bucket
Life is short and everything just comes once. B4 my short life seeks the farewell, there are few thing I want to do, which I think would make my journey complete.
I want to do all the crazy stuff so that at the end, I would feel nothing got left out and I throughly saw ever corner that my life brushed into and would not leave something that would tempt me to return make leaving my peaceful vacation in heaven at dismay. With a smile, before I leave I want to say I have led my life.... done every thing I wished for....thought of without a regret!!!!
Wishlist... lets say will be done list:
- Pack a bag, collect my saving, take a month's leave, head to bag packing trip on my own from Mechi to Mahakali (Namche, Mustang, Dolpa, Bardiya, Chitwan... I want to see one horned rhino and snow leopards b4 they become myths.... Global warming and humans u know
- Go to all India tour from Ladakh-Leh to Kanyakumari......alone... Its completely a different experience to see India through the windows of train..... specially whole village lined up in railway tracks to relieve themselves in the morning.
- Have nose already pierced so what say about tattoo?
- And an eyebrow pierced?... May be after this I may learn to cock one brow!
- Would go for a bungee jumping, scream like monkey and yet hab a good foto to show my grand children, scary chickens I tell you!
- Learn to swim
- Kayaking is up.... especially in Bhote Koshi... rolling through the tides......
- Camp for a week... with group of frens in unknown remote area
- Go for Lion herding in Africa, cow herding is all common wish these days, ask school kids!
- Did I miss the dirt race on Honda's XR 250 Tornado
- Ya, the monster jeeps in sands of GULF
- Make ppl go crazy on my composition that I wld play in guitar
- Harley cross country trip especially teamed up wid bikers.....
- Cheer for rival team in a football team sports bar in one of the crucial match!
- Write a book
- Simply hab a karaoke night
- Walk hand in hand under the moon?
- Get swept over.... truly and like forever
- Buy an apartment on my own.....
- Classic jeep at my garage standing next to V-ROD
- Have all the flaming cocktails tasted and specialize in tasting B52.....
- Bully my boss... or b the BOSS
- Actually, bully everyone who thinks s/he hab my life under their control
- Live and experience the night life...... fool the club guards to let u enter for free
- Spend few nights in sea..... inside a ship that aint wrecked
- Hab a loving family
- Go on trips wid kids
- Play with them in their Pirate ship themed tree house... who wants to grow up
- Ya go to good university on all my own.... my money buhahahahaha
- Get called over at Koffee with Karan despite not being from glamour world, along side Brandon Routh
- Learn to dance
- Sing and ppl say I m good
- Teach the coming generation to learn to LIVE the King's way.... or say Queen's way
- Hab a coool biker barbie under my name
- Pass a comment on some random guy and watch him blush but all with group of friends
- Solve a mystery.... that can also be who came first... egg or chicken?
- Get a Nobel prize.... I hab the damn speech ready
- Fly an aircraft........... all alone
- Sky dive............ and with a parachute please!
- Para gliding and take pictures to post on fb
- Be an amazing personality and give a speech that world can forget (I mean the good way)
- Get some gud opportunity to wear Bakhkhu I purchased.......seriously
- Spend a nite at haunted house... alone and I dun mind if u accompany!
- Own a horse :)
- Live alone for a year in own place
- Go to office in shorts!
- Be with the RIGHT one
- Serve in a remote country other than Nepal
- Learn 3 more foreign languages
- Visit capital of almost all the countries
- Fast for 12 hours
- Just eat outside for 1 full month
- Send a message in a bottle
- Test drive a car I dun intend to buy
- Give damn about every1
- Ride Gondolas in Venice
- Scuba dive at grear barrier reef
- Make a movie.... even documentary will do
- Be a visiting prof at reputed uni
- Get listed in Time's Best Blog List
- Get Pulitzer for books
- Make the front page of international paper
- Get into influential post............and share dais with reputed personalities at front row
- Own a personal library
- Have amazing house all by my earning... I mean the interiors too
- Trek to Mustang
- Learn to paint
- Handover my months salary to sum1 unknown
- Start a good social charity or org
- Go on reality show 'Amazing Race' and win.... Fear Factor will do too
- Keep records of every odd happening... I bet I can write a book on that
- Attend Carnival at Brazil
- Ice skate and learn few tricks.....
- Ski....... ski till I bump on a bear n stun it :D
- Get hypnotized and see if its for real, if not pretend to be so for a day
- Ride Ducati in a racing circuit
- Get a closet and shop all the things I ever wanted to buy
- Get rid of nagging, bugging and irritating.... enough is enough!
- Hab full control in my life........ not caring of others atleast this time
- Dive with a whale shark
- Attend world cup football... live
- Smoke a hookah........suggest some flavours?
- Step on North or South pole
- Snorkeling in Hawaiii
- Experience how it is to be stoned/ drunk
- Get into every entertainment themed parks 1 has heard of
- Travel around the world by ship, road, train and foot...... whatever is usable
- Hab a page dedicated to in FB hehehehehe
- Dead sea chillax
- Kiss in rain
- See some awesome heartthrob perform live
- See northern lights and live atleast for a day in igloo
- Be on television program as an expert
- Get interviewed
- Be on a combat zone even if its for a minute
- Own a place outside the country
- get an edition of women oriented magazine decicated to
- Get updated with every appealing gadgets, watches, glasses and shoes
- Hab all wish fulfilled and be happy forever
- And take the last breath... with a smile..... a satisfaction.....realising a guilt-free journey is about to be over for good. :)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
It's not my laughter....
My muffled and suppressed cries
Its not my laughter as you think,
There is no joy in my eyes!
Freckled cheeks with twisted nose
Just big and tearful are my eyes
I am no beauty as you think
Just charm for a day till beauty dies
I am no showpiece you want to keep
To show your friend the prize you own
Don't lie me, as I know it now
You just like my beauty bone
You know me, I know honey
You know my voice, looks and touch
But I failed to make you known
To the beatings of my heart
My tears dry on my cheeks
And you mock how I weep,
Am I a fool to cry in vain,
for something I love so deep?
But now I rise my white silk's flag
I just want to quit it all
Do love once from deep inside
And you will know pain of the fall!
I can't cage bird that isn't mine
You are free as high you soar
But one last time I want to tell
It's cry u hear, not my laughter's roar!
Monday, May 30, 2011
How I wish......
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Why me?... I ask.........
Why me?.... I ask....
Falling through the rumbles....
My already clueless life...
And that I am alone......
I lost the hand I thought would hold me till I find my way back?
Or.... you say...it abandoned me....
I am lost....but wasn't I before....?
Why me?.... I ask.....
Been this way....? hahaha... I don't exactly remember.....
But I have been the wall where you come... stone and go...
And I stand..... pretending it was muse...
But mind you... I was always alone....
Till the midnight.... till it dawned...
Till the rays of the sun poked my face for fun....
Mocking me...
Torturing me....
Scrapping my wounds deeper...
Why me?..... I ask......
No, my teeth haven't seen daylight for ages....
My lips don't tear apart and curve for smile....
Yet, I can show you.... I stand up every time you trick me to fall...
Gather my self...all the shattered pieces and move...
Yet... yet again I hope...the hands that I helplessly seek for is yours...
hahahahahah.... Why do false hopes haunt me?
Isn't the pain of the falls enough?
But... god has to experiment....
And I am......nothing but a sample.....
But...why me?.... I ask......
There are men as much as hairs in my head.....
Some....black...some brown.... and some as good as gray...
But....still the pain... pain I bear is for me alone...
Million heads and billion ears
But my words go unheard....
Speeches fail me....
And... my heart beats against the will...
I live though.... I live for it all
And fall doesn't cease.....
But its me who falls.... and you never can realize the pain of landing...
Why just me?.... I ask......
My ears are open indeed....
I hear you cry.... hear you smile...
But your ears... they just hear you alone...
Your pain...
Your laughter.....
And eyes? My eyes betray me... yours are faithful....
I see you and you see yourself.....
But... why my own decided to cheat me against you?
Why me?.....I ask.....
Love you say?
Ya... it hurts....
I am foolish..... to the dust...
Can't help it....
My heart don't have eyes, ears or brain.....
And it beats yet for them.....
So, I can't be wise.... with brains to judge you and get you right...
Like everyone's do.....
But why can't I..?
Why me?.........I ask.....
I am collecting myself now.....
I will stand and move.....
I remember thousand times... I have given hand to warm hands I loved...
Yet... its just my legs that help me out now...
You are not in the picture...
But yes in memories.....
And they haunt.......they haunt me....
till I break... so you can point at me...."YOU ARE WEAK"
Yes, I am.....
But why me?... I ask....
Sunday, May 22, 2011
With just you and me.....
Just two legs to carry me, to accompany this far,
A wounded soul, punctured emotions, all bottled up in a jar
In a journey undecided, but no I am just not so alone
A pending life, with fate undecided....this journey I share
Was it the reason for my loneliness?, I question
Should I let it live, let it feel the pain of rejection?
'cause I know the vastness of the world is not enough to make you feel you belong..........
Or, let it strangle to death? I am yet to take that decision.....
Still, greed of the company of these several months
All unconscious precautions, all dos and all don't s
My legs carry me out of the place where they could have plucked it out of
my life
The life is no bed of roses, and I seem to have fallen for thorns
Am I getting greedy in LOVE? I so doubt
Am I scared to face alone what life is all about?
NO! It is my familiarity with the kicks that startle me when sound asleep
And, then I have become a daydreamer -- I hear it laugh, I hear it shout!
Waking up from dream scares me, tugs my heart down
Life, I know is nothing like walking under the smiling sun
How old am I? Not a day past two decades, yet so lonely and so young
Still, it came to me, for me to keep....whether its a curse or a boon
No, I am selfish, it's not for 'you' but for me that I am doing
I know, either way the oath leads to same path we are heading
And, I need a company, 'your' tiny steps to teach me walk again
Little hands to show me to live up the moment as life keeps passing
I need 'you' more than 'you' need me
I have seen enough, but still lot more waits for me to see
Guess, I need some more pair of eyes to realize the beauty life holds
Ok!!!! Lets think of happy ending, however tough it may be....
Believe me for last time, please...just for one last time....
We will hold each others back and we will be happy....
I already can see us... we smiling, laughing and pulling each other up
In the world of our own, with just happy us... with just you and me....
(NOTE: this poem refers to an unmarried girl in her early 20ies, who is disowned by family, its her thoughts.... when she goes for abortion but decides to keep the baby...)
Monday, May 16, 2011
As I hold my reflection's gaze
When I look into the mirror, the one staring back is not me
The girl looks like I do, but its you that all I see
The eyes hold up to their own dreams, but life works to seek that of yours
All I see is stranger in her, not someone I ever want to be
She smiles when you ask for it, but it hurts her tender eyes
Laughters she lets out rings aloud more like suppressed cries
But I don't have zeal to smile these days, nothing I find cheering
So, stranger she gets as I look into her, someone I despise
She never dares to live her dreams, but dwells in fantasies you weave
She neither takes a fulfilling breathe, its a long sigh that she heaves
But in her eyes, I still get the glimpse of someone who resembles my soul
I have lost myself though long ago in the labyrinth of your beliefs
The cage you hold her is so gorgeous tempting all seven deadly sins
But long forgotten her voices are so loud, as in silence they seem to scream
I never find me in her, pains inside suffocate me to death
Its nightmare I am forced to live forgetting what living means
I want to see me in her, as I look into the glass
I want to see a content look as I look upon the staring lass
Someone content to live, to fight and to call her life as her own
Someone to hold the reins of her life and search for herself in the mass
All of this I want, without you anywhere near the stage
Breaking free is all I want, from all your emotionally scarred maze
You cant stop me nor am I going to stop at your plea
I now want to find myself as I hold my reflection's gaze
Saturday, April 9, 2011
If I am to smile.........
I am stunned at times......how I let myself so unguarded with you
All I need is to know if your are a mirage... closer I move...more it fades
Her Choice............
"Leave ur soul and lend me thy hand,
This is what the mighty lord of death told...
"Thy soul for whom my tender heart dances...
Tears even mingled down death's lifeless face
Risen again, she held her tiny one