Monsoon love

I sit by the window pane,
As thunder kisses the balletic earth
And think of all the swirling thoughts
As wind waltzes with the playful dust

With Monsoon, cloud comes to meet the grass
She meets his each and every drop
With lush of green, a charming hue
She flourishes so much in his love

As rain platters in the glass
It whispers me your enchanting name
And, then my eyes flood with salty sea,
Broken heart is never the same.

I remember you galloping away that night,
It had rained, as if sky felt my pain
Lightening and thunder were so bold
Like me screaming, feeling all disdain

But today, love is circling lonely me
Yet I feel glum, teary and all the same
Monsoon yet teaches me a thing,
Love can never ever be tamed!!!

I envy them!!!!

Fingers inter-wined,
sending warmth...
engaged eyes
adoring gaze
and flushing cheeks
Yes, I envy them!

Warm hug,
departure kiss
missing you texts
and endless message beeps
longing look
waiting for calls
No, I never had!!

Surprise pecks
and love you notes
Lily at doors
Small things that prove,
How much you adore
Yes, I long for them!

Shoulder to cry
Hands to hold
Treasuring the tears
'Be sad no more'
Smile injected
Burden shared
Yes, I crave for them!

When silence speaks
Words get lost
Yet no need
for Google translator
An anchoring feeling
A thought of being not alone
Unspoken promises for hanging on
I wonder... if am entitled to them?!!!

Mad hag

My boy, there you see

Mad hag who tore the street....

Screaming her lover's name

Cursing with all the pain.....

My boy, there you see,

Mad hag who tore the street!

It is pain does she fear??

Or curses that flies from her own heart...

Or she fears the shame,

That skips her clueless brain???

My boy, there you see,

Mad hag who tore the street!

Shrugging every passing man,

What makes her go insane???

Is it love that is so strong to deal

Wound that hurts more than one can feel?

My boy, there you see,

Mad hag laughing now in glee

She mocks every man who say

For woman's love they eat and pray

Because her Romeo killed himself off

Juliet NOMORE! mad it drove

My boy there you see,

mad hag who maddened for the love

"Whore" he called, and kicked her chest,

She yet loved him more than the rest

Tears dried and brain lost their sense

Rationality at it top essence

My boy there you see

Mad hag who now forbids love's presence

Now, Romeo dead, yet he lives,

Living life what he believes

But the Juliet lost all she knew

Torn apart more than she can sew

My boy there you see,

Mad hag, who once was as pretty as dew

Woman, as they say are unreadable

Unpredictable, not understandable...

Its not because they are labyrinth

They are so deep  that in them you should sink

My boy there you see,

Mad hag, our sanity's only link

My words..............

I can't cry infront of people
so I cry through my words
Share the thought that breaks and tears
And cuts me like from 1000 swords

I am not a happy bird,
Though I stick a smile
You would know my pain
If you be me for a while

How I crave for hug
That will make me feel alive
But all I find is brushing me off
Hate is the ultimate vive

I questioned at times "Y just me"
But the question goes in vain
Nor I get a shoulder to cry
I am lonely and going insane

I can't call my fren or my mother
and say how I got so hurt
I close my door and scream till blue
Till nothing pains at all

I still search for solace,
An angel made for me
Who would wipe my tears and mend my wounds
Even before than I can see

So much I wish I was a kid
And never have a grown up's heart
I could still believe in fairy tales
And wait for knight in white horse

But I now m so big to see
No knight to sweep off my feet
All come and return my broken heart
And smile at my defeat

I don't show I am so lost
But I am lost in my words
Please god have mercy on me
don't  hurt me more from emotion's swords

I can't speak, it pains so much
So I speak with my words
I write to say how I feel
When U stab me the swords

!oo things b4 I kick bucket

Life is short and everything just comes once. B4 my short life seeks the farewell, there are few thing I want to do, which I think would make my journey complete.
I want to do all the crazy stuff so that at the end, I would feel nothing got left out and I throughly saw ever corner that my life brushed into and would not leave something that would tempt me to return make leaving my peaceful vacation in heaven at dismay. With a smile, before I leave I want to say I have led my life.... done every thing I wished for....thought of without a regret!!!!

Wishlist... lets say will be done list: 

1. Pack a bag, collect my saving, take a month's leave, head to bag packing trip on my own from Mechi to Mahakali (Namche, Mustang, Dolpa, Bardiya, Chitwan... I want to see one horned rhino and snow leopards b4 they become myths.... Global warming and humans u know
2. Go to all India tour from Ladakh-Leh to Kanyakumari......alone... Its completely a different experience to see India through the windows of train..... specially whole village lined up in railway tracks to relieve themselves in the morning.
3. Have nose already pierced so what say about tattoo? 
4. And an eyebrow pierced?... May be after this I may learn to cock one brow! 
5. Would go for a bungee jumping, scream like monkey and yet hab a good foto to show  my grand children, scary chickens I tell you!
6. Learn to swim
7. Kayaking is up.... especially in Bhote Koshi... rolling through the tides......
8. Camp for a week... with group of frens in unknown remote area
9. Go for Lion herding in Africa, cow herding is all common wish these days, ask school kids!
10. Did I miss the dirt race on Honda's XR 250 Tornado 
11. Ya, the monster jeeps in sands of GULF
12. Make ppl go crazy on my composition that I wld play in guitar
13. Harley cross country trip especially teamed up wid bikers.....
14. Cheer for rival team in a football team sports bar in one of the crucial match!
15. Write a book
16. Simply hab a karaoke night
17. Walk hand in hand under the moon?
18. Get swept over.... truly and like forever
19. Buy an apartment on my own.....
20. Classic jeep at my garage standing next to V-ROD
21. Have all the flaming cocktails tasted and specialize in tasting B52..... 
22. Bully my boss... or b the BOSS
23. Actually, bully everyone who thinks s/he hab my life under their control
24. Live and experience the night life...... fool the club guards to let u enter for free
25. Spend few nights in sea..... inside a ship that aint wrecked
26. Hab a loving family
27. Go on trips wid kids
28. Play with them in their Pirate ship themed tree house... who wants to grow up
29. Ya go to good university on all my own.... my money buhahahahaha
30. Get called over at Koffee with Karan despite not being from glamour world, along side Brandon Routh
31. Learn to dance
32. Sing and ppl say I m good 
33. Teach the coming generation to learn to LIVE the King's way.... or say Queen's way
34. Hab a coool biker barbie under my name
35. Pass a comment on some random guy and watch him blush but all with group of friends
36. Solve a mystery.... that can also be who came first... egg or chicken?
37. Get a Nobel prize.... I hab the damn speech ready
38. Fly an aircraft........... all alone
39. Sky dive............ and with a parachute please! 
40. Para gliding and take pictures to post on fb
41. Be an amazing personality and give a speech that world can forget (I mean the good way)
42. Get some gud opportunity to wear Bakhkhu I purchased.......seriously
43. Spend a nite at haunted house... alone and I dun mind if u accompany!
44. Own a horse :) 
45. Live alone for a year in own place
46. Go to office in shorts!
47. Be with the RIGHT one 
48. Serve in a remote country other than Nepal
49. Learn 3 more foreign languages
50. Visit capital of almost all the countries
51. Fast for 12 hours
52. Just eat outside for 1 full month
53. Send a message in a bottle
54. Test drive a car I dun intend to buy
55. Give damn about every1
56. Ride Gondolas in Venice
57. Scuba dive at grear barrier reef
58. Make a movie.... even documentary will do
59. Be a visiting prof at reputed uni
60. Get listed in Time's Best Blog List
61. Get Pulitzer for books
62. Make the front page of international paper 
63. Get into influential post............and share dais with reputed personalities at front row
64. Own a personal library
65. Have amazing house all by my earning... I mean the interiors too
66. Trek to Mustang
67. Learn to paint
68. Handover my months salary to sum1 unknown
69. Start a good social charity or org
70. Go on reality show 'Amazing Race' and win.... Fear Factor will do too
71. Keep records of every odd happening... I bet I can write a book on that
72. Attend Carnival at Brazil
73. Ice skate and learn few tricks..... 
74. Ski....... ski till I bump on a bear n stun it :D
75. Get hypnotized and see if its for real, if not pretend to be so for a day 
76. Ride Ducati in a racing circuit
77. Get a closet and shop all the things I ever wanted to buy
78. Get rid of nagging, bugging and irritating.... enough is enough!
79. Hab full control in my life........ not caring of others atleast this time
80. Dive with a whale shark
81. Attend world cup football... live
82. Smoke a hookah........suggest some flavours?
83. Step on North or South pole
84. Snorkeling in Hawaiii
85. Experience how it is to be stoned/ drunk
86. Get into every entertainment themed parks 1 has heard of
87. Travel around the world by ship, road, train and foot...... whatever is usable
88. Hab a page dedicated to in FB hehehehehe
89. Dead sea chillax
90. Kiss in rain
91. See some awesome heartthrob perform live
92. See northern lights and live atleast for a day in igloo
93. Be on television program as an expert
94. Get interviewed
95. Be on a combat zone even if its for a minute
96. Own a place outside the country
97. get an edition of women oriented magazine decicated to
98. Get updated with every appealing gadgets, watches, glasses and shoes
99. Hab all wish fulfilled and be happy forever
100. And take the last breath... with a smile..... a satisfaction.....realising a guilt-free journey is about to be over for good. :) 

It's not my laughter....

A sob that skips out of control
My muffled and suppressed cries
Its not my laughter as you think,
There is no joy in my eyes!

Freckled cheeks with twisted nose
Just big and tearful are my eyes
I am no beauty as you think
Just charm for a day till beauty dies

I am no showpiece you want to keep
To show your friend the prize you own
Don't lie me, as I know it now
You just like my beauty bone

You know me, I know honey
You know my voice, looks and touch
But I failed to make you known
To the beatings of my heart

My tears dry on my cheeks
And you mock how I weep,
Am I a fool to cry in vain,
for something I love so deep?

But now I rise my white silk's flag
I just want to quit it all
Do love once from deep inside
And you will know pain of the fall!

I can't cage bird that isn't mine
You are free as high you soar
But  one last time I want to tell
It's cry u hear, not my laughter's roar!

How I wish......

Swirling in the salty sea,

Surfacing to see the sun

I wish I were a dolphin...

And know the thrill when in run

I would escape the nets that sailor throws,

And would go for the Arctic race

Chase the schools of albacores

And dance at the thunder's pace

Or I can be a sea gull so white

That knocks at my window pane

And soar high with all my might

Fly and fly till I go insane

With wings to spread and legs so strong

Dodging every drop of rain

I will set only with the setting sun,

Thus it takes away my pain

Atleast, I wish I were like you

With legs to run and stalk the moon

Jump till clouds fly and sky turns blue

And have them as my greatest boon

Then, I will go for riding a horse

And gallop till heart says 'no more'

I may fall and hurt but this isn't the worse

Sometimes, sweet are pains and sore

But as I have wheels for legs,

They don't move on their own,

Please run away, my heart it begs

Till you see new day at its dawn

So I stare past my lone window,

dolphins, birds and you sometimes

Who swim, fly and run with such a glow.....

How I wish those legs were mine!!!!!!

Why me?... I ask.........

Why me?.... I ask....
Falling through the rumbles....
My already clueless life...
And that I am alone......
I lost the hand I thought would hold me till I find my way back?
Or.... you say...it abandoned me....
I am lost....but wasn't I before....?
Why me?.... I ask.....

Been this way....? hahaha... I don't exactly remember.....
But I have been the wall where you come... stone and go...
And I stand..... pretending it was muse...
But mind you... I was always alone....
Till the midnight.... till it dawned...
Till the rays of the sun poked my face for fun....
Mocking me...
Torturing me....
Scrapping my wounds deeper...
Why me?..... I ask......

No, my teeth haven't seen daylight for ages....
My lips don't tear apart and curve for smile....
Yet, I can show you.... I stand up every time you trick me to fall...
Gather my self...all the shattered pieces and move...
Yet... yet again I hope...the hands that I helplessly seek for is yours...
hahahahahah.... Why do false hopes haunt me?
Isn't the pain of the  falls enough?
But... god has to experiment....
And I am......nothing but a sample.....
But...why me?.... I ask......

There are men as much as hairs in my head.....
Some....black...some brown.... and some as good as gray...
But....still the pain... pain I bear is for me alone...
Million heads and billion ears
But my words go unheard....
Speeches fail me....
And... my heart beats against the will...
I live though.... I live for it all
And fall doesn't cease.....
But its me who falls.... and you never can realize the pain of landing...
Why just me?.... I ask......

My ears are open indeed....
I hear you cry.... hear you smile...
But your ears... they just hear you alone...
Your pain...
Your laughter.....
And eyes? My eyes betray me... yours are faithful....
I see you and you see yourself.....
But... why my own decided to cheat me against you?
Why me?.....I ask.....

Love you say?
Ya... it hurts....
I am foolish..... to the dust...
Can't help it....
My heart don't have eyes, ears or brain.....
And it beats yet for them.....
So, I can't be wise.... with brains to judge you and get you right...
Like everyone's do.....
But why can't I..?
Why me?.........I ask.....

I am collecting myself now.....
I will stand and move.....
I remember thousand times... I have given hand to warm hands I loved...
Yet... its just my legs that help me out now...
You are not in the picture...
But yes in memories.....
And they haunt.......they haunt me....
till I break... so you can point at me...."YOU ARE WEAK"
Yes, I am.....
But why me?... I ask....

With just you and me.....

 Just two legs to carry me, to accompany this far,
A wounded soul, punctured emotions, all bottled up in a jar
In a journey undecided, but no I am just not so alone
A pending life, with fate undecided....this journey I share

Was it the reason for my loneliness?, I question
Should I let it live, let it feel the pain of rejection?
'cause I know the vastness of the world is not enough to make you feel you belong..........
Or, let it strangle to death? I am yet to take that decision.....

                                   
                                                     Still, greed of the company of these several months
                                                     All unconscious precautions, all dos and all don't s
                                                     My legs carry me out of the place where they could have plucked it out of
                                                     my life                                                                                                                      
                                                     The life is no bed of roses, and I seem to have fallen for thorns

                                                     Am I getting greedy in LOVE? I so doubt
                                                     Am I scared to face alone what life is all about?
                                                     NO! It is my familiarity with the kicks that startle me when sound asleep
                                                     And, then I have become a daydreamer -- I hear it laugh, I hear it shout!

                                                    Waking up from dream scares me, tugs my heart down
                                                    Life, I know is nothing like walking under the smiling sun
                                                    How old am I? Not a day past two decades, yet so lonely and so young
                                                    Still, it came to me, for me to keep....whether its a curse or a boon

                                                    No, I am selfish, it's not for 'you' but for me that I am doing
                                                    I know, either way the oath leads to same path we are heading
                                                    And, I need a company, 'your' tiny steps to teach me walk again
                                                    Little hands to show me to live up the moment as life keeps passing

                                                    I need 'you' more than 'you' need me
                                                    I have seen enough, but still lot more waits for me to see
                                                   Guess, I need some more pair of eyes to realize the beauty life holds
                                                   Ok!!!! Lets think of happy ending, however tough it may be....

                                                   Believe me for last time, please...just for one last time....
                                                   We will hold each others back and we will be happy....
                                                   I already can see us... we smiling, laughing and pulling each other up
                                                   In the world of our own, with just happy us... with just you and me....

(NOTE: this poem refers to an unmarried girl in her early 20ies, who is disowned by family, its her thoughts.... when she goes for abortion but decides to keep the baby...)

As I hold my reflection's gaze

When I look into the mirror, the one staring back is not me
The girl looks like I do, but its you that all I see
The eyes hold up to their own dreams, but life works to seek  that of yours
All I see is stranger in her, not someone I ever want to be

She smiles when you ask for it, but it hurts her tender eyes
Laughters she lets out rings aloud more like suppressed cries
But I don't have zeal to smile these days, nothing I find cheering
So, stranger she gets as I look into her, someone I despise

She never dares to live her dreams, but dwells in fantasies you weave
She neither takes a fulfilling breathe, its a long sigh that she heaves
But in her eyes, I still get the glimpse of someone who resembles my soul
I have lost myself though long ago in the labyrinth of your beliefs

The cage you hold her is so gorgeous tempting all seven deadly sins
But long forgotten her voices are so loud, as in silence they seem to scream
I never find me in her, pains inside suffocate me to death
Its nightmare I am forced to live forgetting what living means

I want to see me in her, as I look into the glass
I want to see a content look as I look upon the staring lass
Someone content to live, to fight and to call her life as her own
Someone to hold the reins of her life and search for herself in the mass

All of this I want, without you anywhere near the stage
Breaking free is all I want, from all your emotionally scarred maze
You cant stop me nor am I going to stop at your plea
I now want to find myself as I hold my reflection's gaze