My words..............

I can't cry infront of people
so I cry through my words
Share the thought that breaks and tears
And cuts me like from 1000 swords

I am not a happy bird,
Though I stick a smile
You would know my pain
If you be me for a while

How I crave for hug
That will make me feel alive
But all I find is brushing me off
Hate is the ultimate vive

I questioned at times "Y just me"
But the question goes in vain
Nor I get a shoulder to cry
I am lonely and going insane

I can't call my fren or my mother
and say how I got so hurt
I close my door and scream till blue
Till nothing pains at all

I still search for solace,
An angel made for me
Who would wipe my tears and mend my wounds
Even before than I can see

So much I wish I was a kid
And never have a grown up's heart
I could still believe in fairy tales
And wait for knight in white horse

But I now m so big to see
No knight to sweep off my feet
All come and return my broken heart
And smile at my defeat

I don't show I am so lost
But I am lost in my words
Please god have mercy on me
don't  hurt me more from emotion's swords

I can't speak, it pains so much
So I speak with my words
I write to say how I feel
When U stab me the swords

!oo things b4 I kick bucket

Life is short and everything just comes once. B4 my short life seeks the farewell, there are few thing I want to do, which I think would make my journey complete.
I want to do all the crazy stuff so that at the end, I would feel nothing got left out and I throughly saw ever corner that my life brushed into and would not leave something that would tempt me to return make leaving my peaceful vacation in heaven at dismay. With a smile, before I leave I want to say I have led my life.... done every thing I wished for....thought of without a regret!!!!

Wishlist... lets say will be done list: 

1. Pack a bag, collect my saving, take a month's leave, head to bag packing trip on my own from Mechi to Mahakali (Namche, Mustang, Dolpa, Bardiya, Chitwan... I want to see one horned rhino and snow leopards b4 they become myths.... Global warming and humans u know
2. Go to all India tour from Ladakh-Leh to Kanyakumari......alone... Its completely a different experience to see India through the windows of train..... specially whole village lined up in railway tracks to relieve themselves in the morning.
3. Have nose already pierced so what say about tattoo? 
4. And an eyebrow pierced?... May be after this I may learn to cock one brow! 
5. Would go for a bungee jumping, scream like monkey and yet hab a good foto to show  my grand children, scary chickens I tell you!
6. Learn to swim
7. Kayaking is up.... especially in Bhote Koshi... rolling through the tides......
8. Camp for a week... with group of frens in unknown remote area
9. Go for Lion herding in Africa, cow herding is all common wish these days, ask school kids!
10. Did I miss the dirt race on Honda's XR 250 Tornado 
11. Ya, the monster jeeps in sands of GULF
12. Make ppl go crazy on my composition that I wld play in guitar
13. Harley cross country trip especially teamed up wid bikers.....
14. Cheer for rival team in a football team sports bar in one of the crucial match!
15. Write a book
16. Simply hab a karaoke night
17. Walk hand in hand under the moon?
18. Get swept over.... truly and like forever
19. Buy an apartment on my own.....
20. Classic jeep at my garage standing next to V-ROD
21. Have all the flaming cocktails tasted and specialize in tasting B52..... 
22. Bully my boss... or b the BOSS
23. Actually, bully everyone who thinks s/he hab my life under their control
24. Live and experience the night life...... fool the club guards to let u enter for free
25. Spend few nights in sea..... inside a ship that aint wrecked
26. Hab a loving family
27. Go on trips wid kids
28. Play with them in their Pirate ship themed tree house... who wants to grow up
29. Ya go to good university on all my own.... my money buhahahahaha
30. Get called over at Koffee with Karan despite not being from glamour world, along side Brandon Routh
31. Learn to dance
32. Sing and ppl say I m good 
33. Teach the coming generation to learn to LIVE the King's way.... or say Queen's way
34. Hab a coool biker barbie under my name
35. Pass a comment on some random guy and watch him blush but all with group of friends
36. Solve a mystery.... that can also be who came first... egg or chicken?
37. Get a Nobel prize.... I hab the damn speech ready
38. Fly an aircraft........... all alone
39. Sky dive............ and with a parachute please! 
40. Para gliding and take pictures to post on fb
41. Be an amazing personality and give a speech that world can forget (I mean the good way)
42. Get some gud opportunity to wear Bakhkhu I purchased.......seriously
43. Spend a nite at haunted house... alone and I dun mind if u accompany!
44. Own a horse :) 
45. Live alone for a year in own place
46. Go to office in shorts!
47. Be with the RIGHT one 
48. Serve in a remote country other than Nepal
49. Learn 3 more foreign languages
50. Visit capital of almost all the countries
51. Fast for 12 hours
52. Just eat outside for 1 full month
53. Send a message in a bottle
54. Test drive a car I dun intend to buy
55. Give damn about every1
56. Ride Gondolas in Venice
57. Scuba dive at grear barrier reef
58. Make a movie.... even documentary will do
59. Be a visiting prof at reputed uni
60. Get listed in Time's Best Blog List
61. Get Pulitzer for books
62. Make the front page of international paper 
63. Get into influential post............and share dais with reputed personalities at front row
64. Own a personal library
65. Have amazing house all by my earning... I mean the interiors too
66. Trek to Mustang
67. Learn to paint
68. Handover my months salary to sum1 unknown
69. Start a good social charity or org
70. Go on reality show 'Amazing Race' and win.... Fear Factor will do too
71. Keep records of every odd happening... I bet I can write a book on that
72. Attend Carnival at Brazil
73. Ice skate and learn few tricks..... 
74. Ski....... ski till I bump on a bear n stun it :D
75. Get hypnotized and see if its for real, if not pretend to be so for a day 
76. Ride Ducati in a racing circuit
77. Get a closet and shop all the things I ever wanted to buy
78. Get rid of nagging, bugging and irritating.... enough is enough!
79. Hab full control in my life........ not caring of others atleast this time
80. Dive with a whale shark
81. Attend world cup football... live
82. Smoke a hookah........suggest some flavours?
83. Step on North or South pole
84. Snorkeling in Hawaiii
85. Experience how it is to be stoned/ drunk
86. Get into every entertainment themed parks 1 has heard of
87. Travel around the world by ship, road, train and foot...... whatever is usable
88. Hab a page dedicated to in FB hehehehehe
89. Dead sea chillax
90. Kiss in rain
91. See some awesome heartthrob perform live
92. See northern lights and live atleast for a day in igloo
93. Be on television program as an expert
94. Get interviewed
95. Be on a combat zone even if its for a minute
96. Own a place outside the country
97. get an edition of women oriented magazine decicated to
98. Get updated with every appealing gadgets, watches, glasses and shoes
99. Hab all wish fulfilled and be happy forever
100. And take the last breath... with a smile..... a satisfaction.....realising a guilt-free journey is about to be over for good. :)