Growth

Like a breath for life
Like the droplets off the sky
Like giggles off the lips
Like little swaying of her hips

Like smile breaking to laughter
Like woman growing into mother
Like breeze singing with the leaves
Like thoughts travelling very deep

Like cloth sewing into frock
Like dreams growing into work
Like crawls moving to the walks
Like babbling adding into talks

Like me growing into me
Like realising beyond what i see
Like seconds put meaning to time
Like your feelings voicing the mime

Like that step just before the flight
Like squinting before facing the light
Like me knowing its ok to fail
Like anchoring a wild and merry sail

It is all growth i reckon
It is the Time all the time you learn
It is learning to face the candles
Just before you face the sun!

My Umbrella

The gloomy clouds lean over
And the thunder roars its threat
I flap open my umbrella then
My only reliable retreat

Dark and gloomy, moist and wet
Dripping drops of rain overhead
It sways and dances in the wind
Enjoying them as its sweetest mead

Though it tries to wrestle with me now and then
It gives the companionship in that hour
When your wind goes fiery and clouds tend to bleed
And breeze then curdles and turns sour

Oh my umbrella, I tell you that I know
You drenching yourself to keep me dry
When my
clothes abandon their sheer need
You prevent me from desperate cry

You fight with me to wriggle free
The way you flap and overturn
Yet I love you enough and need you much
And keep you firmly when you churn

That is love I guess that we share
I let you out and open your wings
And under the threat of no matter what
You keep me safe and let me sing!!

The lost chance

The theory, the hypothesis
The experiments, the efforts
For small moves
For not betting on small chances

The dreams, the expectations
The preparation, the belief
For decisions on table
For just pre-launches

The investments, the stress
The calculations, the numbers
For the risk of not taking risk
For paying no heed to hunches

The fear for stumbles
The slow downs and speed breakers
To learn to be groovier
Without falling when you dance!

It's too much of preparation, you know
For something so unknown
And too much calulation for risks
For some disasters you're never shown

And then the flights are cancelled
Just because it's too sunny to be true
And the indecisiveness turned into nights
For I stood too long on the fences!!

Now at dusk I see
I missed out the perfect time
Cause, I waited with binoculars at sunshine
Waiting for weather to turn fine!

I realise...I never moved, neither I took the chance
The exploration, the discovery
All were shoved, thrashed and burned
I planned too much for good, and I missed out the fun

The shoes!

Pushed, shoved, slammed
Poked, yelled at, damned
And I am still here
Helpless, wordless, choice-less


I have nothing to hold
No bars, no poles, no stands
And you asking to leave!
Leave what? The pint of shameless life that remains within?

I begged, borrowed and stole
To fill up that bottomless hole
Punctured in my heart
Drilled down into my soul

But then, you ask me to give up
Give up what?
The esteem-less, half hearted attempt to live
I seriously have noting to give, neither up or down!

I cant ask you to wear my shoes
Sole-less due to friction
Rubbed to kiss the ground everyday
and I am what I wear!!

I cry to be forgiven
I beg for a second chance
I kneel down to be heard
I kill my respect for your audience... for  nothing that I have done

And you tell me I am good!
Also that I should look out for better
Tell me my friend will you wear a torn thrown shoes?
Because I am the same!

It's You  who can wear, who can shove
It's You can say 'not wearing it anymore'
But am one who is made to be walked upon
so, I cant walk away on my own!

I get it you know
I am no crown to sit on head
I am no sweater to be hugged upon
But shoes that I am... I kiss thy feet everyday

And feel grateful that you wore
Oh! that pride when you Walk in me!!
Thus I can never go....
Unless you kick and give it a throw

'cause I cant walk away on my own!!
I can't move away on my own!!

Sober when I drink

Under those lousy drowsy lids

A couple of eyes drowned in wine

I see reality of so called life that I live

And degree of un-fine when I say fine

And those hiccups that you hear

Are not too much of drinking act

But smirks coming from within

When I get face to face with the facts

But you say I am so 'cause I am drunk

Just cause I am not the normal me?

Not so composed, posed and straight

But  for once try believing in what you do not see

So trust me on this one please

When I say 'am sober when I drink

Its like unbuttoning the brain's tuxedo

And unhiding what I really think

So, I am sober when I drink

As the reality comes to face off the hope

And saying 'check' to over-inflated optimism

Running strict test on any dope

It bites and injects me with truth

And I would know of any hood wink

So I consciously speak, blurt and sort it out then

I am, as you now know, sober when I drink

(this poem does not promote drinking, it is just the feeling, as per writer, going through when trying to submerge into numbness of being drunk that is being tried to be painted here)

The sin of Within

Balloons of those hopes

Taped at every inch

Thrusted by its own air

Now blowing itself away

And the hammock of expectations

Tied with dozen knots

Now tangled in themselves

Unused, untouched yet swaying

Tsunami of thoughts

The wreckage of patience

Flooding of blames 

Prescribing depression pills

Curdling of fate

Frozen movements 

Pile ups of guilt

Then camping of regrets

Orchestra of  frustrations

Screeching with angry lyrics

Breaking the dam of tolerance

Drowning sanity within

Then those embroidery of dreams

Sewn together anyhow

A quilt of escape route - a fantasy

Battered with rational thinking

The maths of senses 

The physics of heart

Chemistry of harmones

From the theory by few pounds brain

And you say, struggle!!

But how to struggle with what is within

With volcano of the very existence

Burning the very alive, as if it were a sin

An unspeakable, unthinkable sin

In-despicable, unforgivable sin

The clot of wound!

It laid, just above the scratch
A darkened film covering naked flesh
Red and sore from the friction with soil
And a desperate try to cover up the mess

"It hurts" was all flesh could say
Crying the tears so so so red
Pulse was speaking high and fast
And warmth spread underneath

But the clot hardened and stayed there
Unknown of its coming fate
The day it healed with pinky flesh
It would then be scratched away

Or better it will go on its own
Even before you think to peel
Coming back when you trip again
Hardening itself to let you heal

The jigsaw

The pieces I join, no not of the jigsaw
Some big chunks, some tit bits here and there
I search each of them, for making a bigger picture
What are they I wonder, so badly torn to bits
With shredded and scratched parts
So badly beaten and torn apart

Some places I could feel the pulses
Some places had been smeared with tears
What could have gone so bad for these bits
To be so badly hurt and in pain
As if it was speaking my heart
And reflecting my inner self

Then, when I was mid way to joining
I realised what it was
Then I knew why it reflected me
My pain and wound so beautifully
I was joining together my own heart, torn in 1000 pieces
And trying to sew it together without knowing how badly torn I was!!!!

Poetic journal- a camouflage of emotions

Poems are in fact, the camouflage to feelings, where you can hide behind the rhymes and symbols, creating maze of words and entertaining yourself as well as the one who reads in puzzles of wordy illustrations. This is what I usually do, I write and hide behind it. It is more easier to express when it is not obvious, when you do not have to utter exactly the words that you want to communicate and yet you can get the message conveyed. 

But then, they are even symbol of confusion, depicting your nervousness and anxiety, your happiness and when you find it hard to believe it is happening. It is just like invisibility cloak of Harry Potter- smooth, silky and of exclusive quality and so intelligently woven that you can completely hide yourself yet be there. It is, in short, escape route, a vent to your raging emotions- good or bad. 

I have noticed myself, instead of filling pages of diaries that I previously did, I rather opted for rhyming my thought and coordinating my emotions with the words I typed, in short and abstract sentences shapes bluntly filling the lines of this blog. I wrote when I was heart broken or extremely happy, when I dreamed and when I thought I was falling short of one. It was sometimes very dark and blue and sometimes as vibrant and jovial to my readers, but for me it was the colour of shades that I wore in my heart and bore in my mind that very moment. Some poems are infact kiddish, some too abstract but each and every one of them are like daily journals of my life. 

I tried to keep them simple yet I filled them with symbols, you can imagine snowy day but it would be hard to depict the chill running through my thoughts when I scribbled every words. It is not just about me I write, I write about every freaking stupid stuff that moves me, makes me pensive or insure a giggle out of my throat. The words I write are my vision, my emotions are my sight and things I write- the final ones are my painting. I am yet to be Picasso, no I am not even near by him but I never wanted to be him. All I wanted was to share- either by poems or by scribbling of thoughts, writing the dimensions of complexities that I tangle myself with every day and I wish to continue it, forever. 

Leaving home!

I shall leave with memories behind
No footprints so that you can look
My images will then rush in your heart
But be never printed in any book

I am leaving a place called home
Not for it was warm with a roof
But for few hearts that brought me back
When I was running wild and aloof

Not that I am not glad to leave
Some shadows and some lurking souls
But more than that I am sad to lose
Few hands that I willingly hold

These strings that pull my heart
These feelings that move some tears
May be I made more friends than I thought
And more of those loving dears!!

As I pack my suitcase and tie my lace
I turn back to see what I left
But before you make me promise
I won't try paying back your debt!

The Mechanic!

Beer's perfume and lotion of grease

Not a candy boy you see on ramp
Smoking all night, changing wheels

His nights are day and has the sun for lamp!

He plays with spanner and chews a screw

Picking his teeth with copper wire
Pulls up those masts and mends the ship

His love, the only thing he ever admired

He is ruthless and sings loathing songs

As he changes the engine's comatose fate

Sleeps in its laps and sings lullaby

As if it were his some fancy date!

He is no maker and rather mends the things

And takes pride at his blue collar
He defies to rise and keeps his tag

Puffing tobacco wrapped in that new green dollar!

Mr. I-Won't-Never

Mr. I-Won't-Never had a wall 

E-Ya E-Ya O

But he never added friend over there

E-Ya E-Ya O

And he never ever took his call

E-Ya E-Ya O

Though he had two numbers shared to all

E-Ya E-Ya O

Mis call here, miss call there...

Miscall miscall everrrrrrrywhere

Mr. I-Won't-Never loved Heineken Beer
E-Ya E-Ya O
And roasted chicken he never shared
E-Ya E-Ya O
Mosquito coil was all that he cared
E-Ya E-Ya O
And his anger was all that he cheered
E-Ya E-Ya O
Angry here Angry there
Blindly angry everywhere

Mr I-Won't-Never held record changing wheel
E-Ya E-Ya O
But he never paid his cable's bill
E-Ya E-Ya O
He felt so much of BIG DEAL
E-Ya E-Ya O
And takes more than a week to chill
E-Ya E-Ya O
Shouting here, shouting there
Screaming in my scared two ears!

I choose to be poor!

Silver was for spoon

Bed made of gold

I had everything you would wish for

More than a king could hold

Ferrari was my mower 

Bentley to take me school

Yet I chose for my ten toes

Though you would call me a fool!!!

Dollars no longer tore my shirt

Nor did cheques burden me
Street vendors dazzled me more than malls

And I fell out of love with the Lee

It liberated my soul, I guess

For I loved the frost, wind and scorching sun

Ways of poor lured me out

And made me take this wilder run

I now, Dear Dad, would live this life

You can keep the green stack for our own

'Coz this is how I want to look at the sky

Exploring more than you have ever shown

For this makes me what I want to be

A fisherman rejoicing in his fiery shore

I dot to swim till I get to sea

though born rich, I thus choose to be poor

I want to find my own little stream

Through which I shall boat to the shore

I want to turn the page and earn every dime

I was born rich but I now choose to be poor

Soul contract!

Can I trade in crossroad, I ponder
My soul for you to live
Will you miss me, I  then wonder
For truest of love, I always give

Or shall you go to the rosy dames
Who lost your heart many times
And some of them who dug your pockets
Till they tricked you out of every dime!

Leggy babes and lashing tongues
Smoking fire as they burn
Shall give you company as you pick
Queuing up for their heavenly turn

You will be pleased, I am sure
But will you ever miss these lousy lips
That ever spoke out is you name
When they were lost in passionate kiss

I don't know if you will know these eyes
When they shall pass in crowded street
Or shall you give me a vacant stare
Ignoring there's more than eyes can meet?

I wonder my love, all this time
As I sign my soul for your breath
You shall live and fall in love again
When I shall succumb to the death




Still when you trade heart for love again
Will you ever dream of my freckled face
With teary eyes and longing smile
Calling you for the last embrace?

The colours

Bright blue yellow pink
Melt down in my sink 
And they I realise
So colourful otherwise

Giggles, smiles and chirpy laugh
But why my heart does it half
I wonder all the time
All that couldnt be mine

Through the colour
And the Rainbows
Through the chords
Or voices of the strings

Through the veins
when Message pass
You are happy
More than you could ask

Look on, check out
In spam or trashed out
Where are they
The lil texts they would sayyyyy..

Smileeeeee on...and this shall pass
Hold one and you will make
Don't give up but can I know
What you said bout walk on cake??

I wonderrrrrrr, the colours
As they dance awayyyy
Could it be, the colours that
Neverrrrr came my way!!!

Wings of fire!

The wings of fire
They are burning me alive
And am flying as I die
Somewhere in the sky
Looking on to you as I say good bye!


The wings of fire
They are burning me alive
Amidst the stars as I lie
Somewhere in the galaxy, up in the sky
Waving at you the last good bye!!!

The wings of fire
They turned me to ashes
As tears fall wetting my lashes
When my past flashes
And emotion with reasoning clashes

The wings of fire
Shall free me when am gone
reaching out to the burning sun
As I end my farewell song
It shall not take any long!!!!

The wings of fire
Are burning me alive
As I wave you good bye
To join the stars who never die
To galaxies who are always mine

They are burning me alive
They are burning till I die!!

My Chords (the rockstar in me)

With a broken guitar, I shall have a chord in my name
Will name it S major or minor, but sing it the same
The crowd then shall join, singing with the tune
A phoenix then shall rise again, from its burning doom

They will not air in your radio or in your juke
Nor will narrate story that you love to look
But it shall stream through my veins and my breath    
Spreading in the frequencies, until I meet the death

Like I am-- an outlaw, so will be my chord
The one made to cheer my heart when it was blue and bored
The music, alas has no rule that you have set
As for you, it no longer sings if limits are not met

But my song, my friend, plays happily for all
For one with the rules or an outcast, one big or small
It reaches for hearts and pulls their strings
One that airs in every lips and thats how it shall stream

For, I shall be the rockstar, my songs with tunes of beat
That rhythms with dub-lub as arteries do leap
One that would be with no rules to bind
One that shall not be measured in scales of mind

For, my chords would be free to spread their wings
Flying through the rainbows and colouring the dreams
Thats how my friend, shall my music sound
Streaming through the hearts and breaking every bound

That keeps me saying I love you!

If you are the moon,
I would ask- the full or the new?
As one brings hope of light and its dark
And other is bright but lives hours so few

If you say you are a rose

I would ask the bud or the bloomed?

One that may wither in some days

And other one may never bloom as assumed

So uncertain I am, don't you think?

Doubting your beauty, resisting your assurance

But all I have known this far in my life is

It's most beautiful day when it thunders and rains

I have seen strongest castle fall

To trust you would last for long

I have seen many leave and never return

To think you will stick where you belong

Yet, yet again my love, I am taking chance

To trust you me when you carry my soul

To trust you more than breaths I take

To warm me when I am dying and cold

Do not think when I shed my tears

It is my heart that is melting away

Out of uncertainty that life gives

Holding on to you as I find my way

Just keep up with me, and do not leave my hand

That's all I would ask you to do

Out of all I need is just your heart

That keeps me saying I love you!!!!!

Inner conflict!

Consciences and instincts

the one you call the sixth sense

It's raw and it rips me apart

And makes me loose that faith

I am so sure of what I feel

Yet my eyes convince me 

That I must me hallucinating all the time

And I no more trust that inner me

Then I know the lies I hear

But how can I doubt the voices

My ears are so perfectly fine

And 'm left with not good choices

The me and the I, I have

one with heart and other with brain

Are always in war with the other

And thus I appear insane

One says and other denies

And I know the Feel is not always wrong

Sometimes I sing a happier tune

But it may be part of tragic song

So, now tell me who should I trust

The one I see-touch or one I feel

But, either side I may choose

Never leaves my side is guilt!!!!

The war!

My pieces, not one but many
I was scattered every where
Splashes of tears, bullets of words
It was more bloodier than I can share!

The closest arm would cast a blow
And arrows that tongues fired
It was hell than the Devil's own
I was the Child it never sired!

I could hardly cry, or even speak
All of it was so much of shock
My lips, though smirked at times,
At my fate and it wonderful mock!

As my sculptors hammered to break me down
Each blow showed me reality's face
I ran then, to save my soul
Leaving behind their sophisticated grace

Wild was more appealing and real,
With my bareness so acceptable
I could be me as much as I wished
Everything was so natural

I just had dreamt of orchards and trees
All to grow in my wilder woods
But I am now dragged back to war
Without arms or combat boots!

I stare at sky as I head to leave
With packed bag and rolled-up bed
Now, am going back to same war zone
Sometimes living is uglier than the death!